Levi and Amanda are Hoping to Adopt

Calling all Hopeful Adoptive Couples!

2010-02-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

While our own adoption file is placed on a temporary hold due to a very unexpected (but much welcomed) pregnancy, I have debated what to do with our blog. It will be more than a year from now before we will be eligible to seek out a child to adopt. In the mean time, I want to help other couples seeking adoption in any way I can. I will adding a list to our blog of couples hoping to adopt, so if you have a webpage or blog or a profile page, please email it to me. I will be adding the list as soon as I get some responses. On that note, I would also love to pass out some of your Pass Along Cards; if you have some and would like me to pass them along to people I know and in my community, please email me. I would be happy to receive some and in some small way help you find your forever families.

A Greater Love

2009-12-15T09:55:00.000-08:00

Here is an article from the June 2006 Ensign, titled "A Greater Love". It was written by a woman who was placed for adoption as an infant and how she came to know her birthmother as an adult. It's a brief but good article, so check it out.

"After experiencing the pregnancy and delivery of my own four children, I appreciate even more deeply the gift Karen gave me. When you carry a baby for nine months, that baby truly becomes a part of you. To give up that life so selflessly in order to allow that baby to have a complete family and the opportunity of temple blessings takes a deeper kind of love. It is true charity."

Shame On Me!

2009-12-06T07:31:00.001-08:00

I'm embarrassed to realized it's been almost a MONTH since I last posted on either of our blogs. Life has gotten in the way recently and I have not caught up on my blogging. I hope to remedy that soon and get back to my regularly scheduled blogging. I hope you'll come back and read when I finally get some new posts up!

Trusting the Lord

2009-11-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

Check out this video on You Tube. I saw it for the first time the other day (thank you, Brittany) and it really touched me. It reminded me that I have to trust in the Lord, and believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He loves us, knows of our trials, and takes care of us; and while the timing or outcome may not match what we desire when we desire it, I know that He guides my life and I trust that He knows the desires of my heart. I have to trust that in His time, our lives will unfold how they are supposed to. I have faith that our family will grow and I trust in the Lord to help it grow as He plans.

5 Things You Shouldn't Say to an Adoptive Couple

2009-11-16T08:20:00.001-08:00

I thought I'd add onto the previous article I posted and mention a few things you shouldn't say to adoptive couples (and yes, these have all been said to us).

1. "So you've given up having your own kids?"
Any child we bring into our family is our OWN, whether they be biological or adopted. This question implies that those asking it don't believe that an adoptive child belongs to it's adoptive family; WRONG. An adopted child will be just as loved and just as much a member of our eternal family as a child that is biologically related.

2. "What color will your baby be?"
This is a personal choice that each adoptive couple makes and isn't really appropriate for people to ask.

3. "Don't adopted kids have problems?"
Children adopted into loving families have the same risks and benefits as a biological child; it is how a child is raised that counts. Simply being adopted is not a risk factor for mental or physical problems.

4. "How can you love your adopted child like your own?"
Again, this implies that some people don't think of adopted children as belonging to their adopted families and it is very hurtful to families with adopted children. An adopted child is your own, legally and spiritually. An adopted child may have taken a less traditional path into your arms, but they are very much your child. You love an adopted child like your own because they are your own.

5. "How much do you pay for each child?"
Asking about money is never appropriate, regardless of the circumstances. If you, personally, are considering adoption and are curious of the cost than we can direct you to information that will help. However, if you are simply asking me how much we will pay for a child, that is not okay. Our finances are not your business. I have never once been asked how much it cost me to give birth to our son but I have been asked dozens of times how much it will cost us to adopt. It doesn't matter. How we choose to expand our family or how much we choose to pay to do so, is our business alone. Some questions don't need to be asked.

Having said all of that.....I am more than happy to answer questions about adoption. I realize that most have little experience with it unless it has directly affected their lives. I simply request that when asking questions, you do so with tact and consideration. We love sharing what we know about adoption (and love constantly learning more) and we hope to encourage all of those in our lives to keep asking questions. The more you ask, the more you know and the more understanding you will have.

5 Comments NOT to Say to a Birthmother

2009-11-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

This article is written by a Birthmother, listing the 5 comments you should never say to a birthmother. Hopefully you will find the article helpful and enlightening.

I. "I could never place my baby for adoption."
This one used to make me cringe each time I heard it. I felt like I had failed at motherhood and the person making the comment has succeeded. That I must have been heartless to be able to do such an act. I felt inferior, like I need to prove something to them.

I have since learned I am not inferior, and I do not have to prove my mothering abilities to anyone. I believe now that comment has more to do with the person making it, than myself. Never has a woman secure in her role as a mother said that to me. Only the doubting, struggling-to-get-by mothers who feel that they must make such a declaration.

II. "What a wonderful gift you have given to a childless couple"
Try to see this one from the Birthmother's point of view. Now, I love my daughter's adoptive parents, but by no means did I place my first born child as a 'gift' to a childless couple. I am not that nice, not that giving. When I clutched my nine month pregnant belly with tears in my eyes, I did not recite the phrase, "Just think how I am giving a special gift to people I do not know".
When it comes down to the day when you hold your child for the first time, all thoughts of anyone else but your child and yourself fade away. There has to a higher reason for placement.
I gave Emily's parents as a gift to my daughter. That was my plan. That was my intention. Now, as an added benefit, I see her parents lives enriched by Emily's existence. Together, we celebrate the gift of knowing our daughter, Emily.

III. "You can have other children"
This speaker means well, I am sure, but this comment can strike the very heart of a Birthmother. Other children? You can never replace another child with another! To try and do so is to dishonor the child you have placed for adoption and the child you use to fill the void.
Let us remember our children. Let us celebrate them. We hold a special place in our hearts where their names will be etched forever.

No matter how many babies you carry out of the hospital with you, you never will forget the one you did not.

IV. A lady once said to me, "That sure is 'nice' of her parents to let you see Emily."
My quick reply was, "That sure was nice of me to give them my baby!"

Needless to say she said nothing more. I try to educate people by telling them my story, even on days I do not feel like doing so. Some, I have learned, are not able to be very teachable on the subject.

Her attitude was that I should be grateful, as a dog is grateful to get scraps from the dinner table. I will not put myself in such a position. I refuse to be the silent shadow in the corner with my eyes downcast.

Aside from the fact my daughter's parents would never treat me in such a fashion, I am grateful to God. The open adoption I have with my daughter is like a gift from Him-a gift that I get to open each time I see her smiling face.

V. The fifth response a Birthmother does not want to hear is an ackward silence.
We want to talk about our children. We want to remember them. We know when you are avoiding it, and it hurts.

I love it when others ask me how Emily is doing and to ask to see the pictures from my recent visit. I enjoy swapping my labor and delivery tales with other mothers. By the way, I was in labor for forty-two hours with my Emily! Ouch!

It is okay to talk about the children we placed. We placed them for adoption. We did not place them out of our thoughts and hearts.

I do not wish to offend others, but to educate how a Birthmother may feel about these five comments. Since not every Birthmother is the same, some may disagree or not be affected by the above.

I hope by reading this article you will feel more confident and comfortable when speaking with a Birthmother. Please do not think we would rather not talk about our children. Silence is the first step to many on the road to shame.

The Gift of Adoption

2009-11-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

Here is a great article from the February 2009 issue of the Ensign magazine. It discussess the gift of adoption through 4 different perspectives-Birth Mother, Birth Father, an Adopted Child and a (Birth)Grandparent.

The Gift of Adoption

Birth Mother

Name Withheld

“Birth Mother,” Ensign, Feb. 2009, 37–38

When I was 16, I spent a lot of time seeking the attention and affection of boys, and of one in particular. By my 17th birthday, I was pregnant.

I had been raised by righteous parents who were steadfast in the gospel. They taught my siblings and me to make correct choices, but I wanted to try something new and different. I consciously made several decisions I knew weren’t right because I wanted to do things my own way.

When my parents learned that I was pregnant, they were shocked and disappointed by my behavior and brokenhearted at the result. I was scared and confused, but I wasn’t as worried as my parents seemed to be. After all, I loved babies and had always wanted children. I decided I would just marry my boyfriend and have a little family.

My parents wanted me to talk to counselors at LDS Family Services. I didn’t want to go—I was certain that they would just tell me to place my baby for adoption, which was the last thing I wanted to do. But my parents insisted I attend a counseling session, and there was no room for argument.

When I first met my caseworker, Sherri, I laid out my plan to her. I told her up front that I wouldn’t give up my baby and that she couldn’t make me. She won my affection quickly when she said she just wanted to talk to me and help me make a good life for my baby and myself. Sherri offered education about teen parenting and more. I learned I could trust her.

I started attending weekly classes with other girls in my situation and their parents. We met to talk about our fears, expectations, and hopes. Some of the girls were going to raise their babies, some were placing them for adoption, and some were still undecided.

Part of the class was spent with our parents present, but part of the session included just us girls. We needed each other more than we realized. Those times of confiding in each other were invaluable—even our best friends didn’t know what it was like to be unmarried and pregnant. These group meetings helped me to not feel so alone.

I continued to meet privately with Sherri, as did my boyfriend. She encouraged both of us to pray about all of our options. Had she asked me to do this earlier, I might have refused, but by this point, I had learned that I could trust her. I was also realizing how inadequately prepared I was for parenthood. My boyfriend and I agreed to pray about what to do.

At that point, my life changed. I received such a direct answer to my prayer that there was no doubt in my mind about what we were supposed to do. When I talked with my boyfriend, I found out that his heart had also been touched. We knew that this baby was supposed to go to another family. That confirmation helped us stick to our decision when we felt caught between seemingly endless advice from family and friends and our own feelings and desires.

To say that I cried would be to put it mildly. My heart was full and broken at the same time. How could I feel such peace in a decision that brought so much pain? I later realized that I had brought much heartache and pain into my life and the lives of those intertwined with mine because I had let selfish desires override my long-term goals. But here, I had been given an opportunity to put aside what I wanted most—to keep this child—and to give her something better.

My boyfriend and I shared with our parents our decision about adoption. His parents struggled with the idea of not knowing their flesh and blood and accused us of being heartless. My parents, who had just started to adjust to the idea that they would be grandparents, urged us not to rush into any kind of a decision. In the end, although they felt disappointment at not being able to watch their grandchild grow up, they were supportive.

Giving birth to a beautiful little girl was miraculous. I loved holding her and rocking her. She was so beautiful, and I cried many times her first night on earth. I knew that the next day would bring heartache when it was time to say good-bye.

What made that pain bearable was knowing that placing her for adoption was right. It was the hardest—but most right—thing I have ever done. I signed the papers through sheets of tears and then leaned on family and friends for support. My tears weren’t the only ones shed that day or in the days to come.

I thought and worried about my baby constantly at first. How was she doing? What was she doing? Was she healthy? Was she happy? I wrote many letters that first year, and when I received a letter or photos in return, I carried them with me. My pain was eased in seeing a beautiful, happy baby in the pictures. Reading of the love this family felt for her and for me lifted my heart and was essential in my healing. Over time, I began to realize I wasn’t thinking about her every minute of every day—and that was OK. She had a good life, and I needed to move forward with mine too.

I finished high school and enrolled in college, opportunities I might not have had if I had chosen to raise my baby. I stayed busy with working, attending counseling sessions, going to church, and meeting with Church leaders as I sought repentance. Slowly, I began to feel a real sense of healing and of direction in my life. I met and married a wonderful man, and we were sealed in the temple a year after our wedding. Today, my husband and I are happily raising our children. I am grateful that they have been born in the covenant and that we can be together for eternity. Each of them is a blessing.

Someone once asked me if I would change anything if I could go back. I wanted to respond that I would do better, that I wouldn’t have brought a child into the world outside of marriage. But I was afraid to answer that way because I had tender feelings for a family who had been blessed by the adoption. Years of soul-searching eventually helped me realize that I still would want to go back and do better, to not make the mistake in the first place. Admitting this does not mean that I would take away the delight of this family with their daughter. I am confident that this family would have been blessed another way had I chosen to make righteous decisions initially.

I marvel at a loving Heavenly Father who gave His Son that we might have a way back to Him. I testify that the Atonement is real. I know that through it, our Savior redeems us from our sins and that He also succors us in our pain. I came to more fully appreciate the gifts of both the Father and Son as I felt Their love throughout this experience.

Birth Father

Name Withheld

“Birth Father,” Ensign, Feb. 2009, 39–40

Nobody ever expects to be in the midst of an unplanned, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, but that’s exactly where Andrea (names have been changed) and I found ourselves. I was in my last year of my undergraduate studies, and she was in her first. We had dated for only a short time but had allowed our physical relationship to go too far.

We began counseling with our bishop in seeking repentance and in the process decided it was best that we not see each other anymore, so we broke up. Several weeks later, Andrea came to my home and told me that she was pregnant.

Coupled with fear were feelings of denial, disbelief, confusion, and loneliness. I can’t imagine what she must have felt. Andrea had a difficult burden to bear, physically and emotionally, and I felt a sense of responsibility and loyalty to her. I also felt that responsibility—perhaps even more so—to the baby. I wanted to make sure that everything turned out all right for his or her future.

Neither of us knew where to start, so we decided to go back to our bishop. He recommended that we make an appointment at LDS Family Services, which, he explained, was a lot more than an adoption agency. He told us that we would be able to get counseling and to explore all of our options as parents. That turned out to be the best advice he could have given us.

Andrea and I were nervous that first visit, but our caseworker put us at ease immediately. Over the next several weeks, she was helpful and supportive as we looked into several options. Andrea and I considered marriage and keeping our baby. We considered not getting married and sharing custody of the baby. And we considered adoption, although it certainly wasn’t our first choice.

In addition to meeting with our caseworker, we also met in group sessions, where we could talk with other people in our situation. Our families were supportive too. Andrea and I counseled with both sets of parents, and they offered suggestions about what we ought to do. In the end, though, Andrea and I felt that this was a decisionwe needed to make ourselves. We were grateful that our families respected that and weren’t overly pushy.

We prayed about the decision over the course of several weeks. For me as the father, and perhaps even a little bit for Andrea as the mother, the pregnancy was still somewhat abstract. We knew that there was life growing inside her, but somehow, it didn’t quite seem real. That changed when we went for the first ultrasound. As we saw the baby (and later learned that the baby was a girl) this child’s life became more of an actuality for us. We started talking about names. And we realized we loved this baby very, very much.

The more real to us the baby became, the less our decision was about us and the more it was about our daughter. Andrea and I both acknowledged that many adoptive parents could provide our daughter with things that we couldn’t: a stable marriage, a permanent home, and a temple sealing. We wanted these things for our child, and before long, through LDS Family Services, we found a family we thought might be a good fit.

We felt strongly that our child was to go to these parents, a decision we felt confirmed in prayer and again later when Andrea and I met the family.

The day Jenna was born was more incredible and miraculous than we could ever have imagined. We kept her with us the first few days, and when the day came to take Jenna to her new family, we felt we couldn’t do it. Three hours after we were supposed to have been at the LDS Family Services office, we still hadn’t left my parents’ house. I asked my father to give each of us a priesthood blessing. Among the things he blessed us with was the ability to do the right thing.

We finally left for LDS Family Services. Again, we felt a strong Spirit confirming that this was the right thing, yet when Andrea and I stepped out of the office to return home, I felt the saddest I have ever felt. Neither of us said a word as we drove away. We just cried. That was the most difficult day of my life.

The next week—and the next month—were also hard. But Andrea and I kept moving forward as much as we could. Attending group sessions was helpful because parents who had been through what we were going through were there to talk about their experience, to encourage us, and to remind us not to give up hope in the future—for Jenna or for ourselves.

One of the other great blessings for us during this time was the adoptive family. They maintained close contact with us in the first weeks after the placement, allowing us to see Jenna often and sending letters and pictures. It was therapeutic for Andrea and me to see how well they took care of Jenna, how happy she was, and what a great life she had. As time went by, our hard days became less frequent.

Andrea soon transferred to a university across the country. I stayed and finished my last year of school. We kept in touch. Eventually Andrea married, and it relieved me to see that she was going to be OK. It was at that point that I finally felt that things were resolved and that I was now capable of moving forward in my own life. That realization—and the passage of time—were both tremendously healing.

I later met Julie, the woman who would become my wife. When I saw long-term potential with our relationship, I told her about Andrea and Jenna. She has been very supportive and has even met Jenna and her family a couple of times. Her understanding has been a tremendous blessing to me.

Julie and I later married, and today we have a one-year-old daughter. Despite the busyness of our lives, we decided early on to make family a priority. We are blessed to be able to spend time with our daughter and with each other. It is exciting to watch our child grow and develop and change. I am grateful and glad to be her father.

I am also grateful for the hope that the gospel provided throughout my experience. My testimony of a loving Heavenly Father increased. It is miraculous to me that He could take a mistake that Andrea and I had made and turn it into something positive for another family. It is equally miraculous to have been given a new start.

Grandparent

Name Withheld

“Grandparent,” Ensign, Feb. 2009, 41–42

Ours was a fairly average Latter-day Saint family. We had family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study. We went to church together, took vacations together, had fun together. Of course we weren’t perfect, but overall we loved each other and centered our lives on the gospel.

So when our oldest daughter, Katie (names have been changed), then 19 years old and not married, told my wife and me that she was pregnant, it broke our hearts. I blamed myself, wondering where I had gone wrong as a father. Katie had been so stalwart during her early teenage years, but as she got a bit older, she began to give way to negative peer pressure.

Of course, it was natural for my wife and me as grandparents to want to watch this grandchild grow up. But we knew that neither we as grandparents nor Katie as a single mother could give this child the love, time, and direction that he needed. This was not about us or our feelings. It was about what was best for the baby.

Although Katie hoped that her relationship with her boyfriend would work out and lead to marriage, it became evident that it wasn’t going to happen. My wife and I suggested adoption, but Katie refused to even consider it. She had always loved children and wanted to raise this one. She insisted on keeping her child.

We encouraged her to at least talk to the representative from LDS Family Services. We pointed out that she did not have to make a decision right away and that she could probably make a better decision if she were educated about all her options. We also told her that whatever she decided, we would support her. Katie later told us that our assurance and support—without pressure—gave her great comfort as she made important choices.

Our daughter remained uninterested in adoption for several weeks, so when one day she suddenly admitted that it wouldn’t hurt “just to talk” to the caseworker, we were quite surprised. We later learned that my sister, Katie’s aunt, had also encouraged her to consider adoption. It was her influence that made the difference.

It took just one visit to LDS Family Services. Katie told us that when she walked into the office, a warm feeling came over her. She said she felt a sense of love for her son and of adoption being the right choice for her and her baby.

As she reviewed profiles of potential parents, Katie felt the Spirit confirm to her which couple should be the parents of her child. As the adoption process moved forward, the time came for Katie, my wife, and me to meet the adoptive parents. I remember the anxiety, anticipation, and excitement we felt as we waited. When they entered the room, all of us stood with tears in our eyes. We hugged them and cried for a long time. The Spirit was strong, and we all felt a heightened awareness of the importance of what would take place between our families. We talked for more than three hours.

The husband shared with us that he and his wife had been waiting for some time for the opportunity to adopt. He told us that one night as he was praying and acknowledging to the Lord that he and his wife had done everything they could and were turning their wills over to Him, he had a calm, peaceful feeling. As we shared our own story, we all realized that the day this man had said that prayer was the same day Katie had chosen him and his wife to be the parents of her child.

The day our grandson was born was a bittersweet one. What a beautiful baby! It would have been easy to change our minds—after all, children are raised by single mothers and grandparents all of the time. Surely we could do it too. But we knew the Lord’s will, and we knew that it was in this child’s best interest for the adoption to proceed. After spending two days with our daughter and grandson in the hospital, my wife and I watched with tears streaming down our faces as Katie handed her son to the caseworker. She exclaimed, “I can’t believe I just did that!” and ran back to her hospital room to cry. My wife later commented that she had never seen greater love than she did as she watched Katie that day. Adoption, she said, truly is about love.

Shortly after the baby was born, Katie enrolled in nursing school. She also came back to Church activity with a renewed and deepened testimony of the Savior and of His Atonement.

Although Katie didn’t realize it at the time, this experience was also difficult for my wife and me. (We still get emotional talking about it.) We think of this child often and love him very much. But by relying on each other and moving forward, we have been able to find peace. We are confident that the Lord had a hand in this adoption.

We know of grandparents who are angry about their grandchild being placed for adoption or who go to great lengths to stop an adoption because they want to know their grandchildren and watch them grow up. We understand those feelings. But we also attest to the peace that comes from doing what is best for the baby.

This period became one of the most sacred and spiritual of our lives. Even now, more than a decade later, we continue to learn from our experience. Our love and appreciation for each other and for the family unit has grown. We can also testify of the love of our Heavenly Father. We know that He will guide us in our earthly experience, however difficult, as we willingly follow Him in trust and faith.

Child

By Stacie Lloyd Duce

Stacie Lloyd Duce, “Child,” Ensign, Feb. 2009, 43–44

One of my earliest memories is looking up at my mother after she had tucked me in and asking her if she would tell me a different bedtime story. After all, she had been telling me the same story every night for as long I could remember.

It always started with these words: “Once upon a time, there was a mommy and daddy who wanted very much to have a baby of their own.” It wasn’t a fable or a fairy tale but the story of our family and how I came to be a part of it. Because I had heard the story repeated so often, adoption was never a mysterious or uncomfortable topic. I learned from the beginning that I was meant to be with my family—I had just come a different way.

The bedtime story included details of my parents’ life as newlyweds. Doctors had advised them that adoption would be the only way they would have a family. The tale also included their progress through adoption paperwork and interviews and a surprise phone call that came much earlier than they expected. The woman on the line told Mom, “We have a baby girl waiting for you to take home for Christmas.”

At that point, the story always got exciting and included the pandemonium of Dad leaving work and racing to the store to buy diapers, pink clothes, and a 1970s movie camera that would blind our family with its bright light for years to come.

Mom’s story always ended—never without a few tears—with the day she and Dad arrived at the adoption office. A woman brought the “most beautiful baby” they had ever seen, and my parents knew immediately that they would love me forever. All of their once-distant dreams were coming true.

I slept soundly through that first night in my new home. Mom told me she kept checking on me and kissing me throughout the night, just as she continued to do as I grew. Because of this story, I never doubted my beauty inside or out, and I never doubted my parents’ love for me.

Our family moved from that home before my first birthday. Then, some 35 years later, I had the chance to return to that city with my parents. They drove me to the hospital where I was born, to the church on the hill where I was blessed, and to the little brick apartment building where they brought me home to be a part of their family. The details of my bedtime story swirled around me during this visit with all-new realism.

I watched my parents kiss on the sidewalk outside that apartment—just as they had done as newlyweds—with a different kind of appreciation. I imagined them bringing me home with humility and gratitude and a strengthened resolve to be an eternal family. Suddenly their emotion wasn’t something to roll my eyes at, as I had sometimes done growing up. It was something to be cherished and emulated.

My appreciation for lessons taught at bedtime increased as I realized they made the plan of salvation a part of my everyday thoughts. I knew I lived in heaven before I was born. I knew Heavenly Father gave agency to all. I knew redemption was possible for the people whose choices not only affected them but created a child as well. I knew Heavenly Father had a plan for me, and that His plan mercifully provides second chances for everyone involved in an adoption. I feel gratitude to the woman who carried me and made a decision that may have been unpopular with some. I imagine my birth mother as a pillar of strength, and I pray she has been blessed for her sacrifice and hope for the future for all of us.

The story of miracles for our family continued when Mom discovered that she was pregnant with my brother, who came to be my best friend. More siblings arrived, defying the logic of doctors and specialists.

My parents are all I—or birth parents—could have hoped for. They provided the necessities of life as well as family fun. They taught me to work, to learn, and to discover my talents. They taught the gospel through their words and example. I learned to overcome disappointments and obstacles, just as they have done. And most important, they gave me a glimpse of how Heavenly Father loves me as His daughter.

My bedtime story has a happy ending that isn’t really an ending. New chapters have given our extended family more opportunities for adoption and an appreciation of God’s guiding hand during this short tale of mortality.

For more information about adoption please visit itsaboutlove.org or LDSFamilyServices.org or call 800-537-2229

Adopted.

2009-11-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

This was posted yesterday on the r house blog and I thought it was an awesome video I wanted to share. My goal was to post something every day of November in recognition of National Adoption Month, but I have not succeeded yet. The month has just begun, though, and my goal hasn't changed; so check back often, and in the mean time, enjoy this wonderful video and pass it on.

I have been approached by a few people now with concerns about my husband and I adopting. Aren't all adoptive kids mentally unbalanced? Don't they grow up to be trouble? Adopted children placed in the right home have every opportunity to shine as any child raised in their biological family. How we as individuals, as parents, raise our children is not determined by blood alone. Watch this video and see for yourself.

Visionaries.

Revolutionaries.

Innovators.

Leaders.

Communicators.

Achievers.

Thinkers.

Adopted.

It's National Adoption Awareness Month

2009-11-04T19:26:00.000-08:00

..and I need your help! Do you have questions about adoption? The process we went through to qualify for adoption? Do you want to know more about open adoption? I want to help you understand more about adoption so ask me anything and I will post the questions/answers here on the blog. Ask away!

If you are an adoptive couple or a birthmother and would like to share your story here on our blog, I would be happy to hear from you! Drop us an email anytime!

Approved!

2009-10-31T13:09:00.000-07:00

I failed to mention a rather important fact the other day.......

As of Wednesday, we are officially APPROVED through LDS Family Services for adoption!!! Wha-hooo! That means that you can now view our official LDSFS profile here. So spread the word and share our blog and profile to help us find a birthmother!

Adoption Myths

2009-10-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

Myth 1. Most birthmothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers. Birth mothers are typically in their 20s, not teens, and are often already parenting one child. They typically choose adoption (thoughtfully and carefully) because they love their child and want a better life than they can provide. Birthmothers are from all ages and all walks of life.

Myth 2. Infants available for adoption in the US are all drug-exposed. Most infants available for adoption in the US are not exposed to drugs and alcohol. The birth mothers are careful and thoughtful of both their health an the baby's future; its part of why they are seeking adoption placement.

Myth 3. Telling a child they are adopted should wait until they are older. Telling a child how they became a part of your family should start from birth. The child will be happier and more well-adjusted knowing this information from an early age, rather than learning it as an older child or teenager.

Myth 4. Placing your child for adoption means you don't love them. Placing your child for adoption is selfless and done out of pure love for the child. It is the love of their child that motivates a birth mother to seek adoption on hopes of providing a better life for the child she loves so much.

Myth 5. Adoption is the easy way out of an accidental pregnancy. Adoption is anything but easy. Choosing to allow other people to raise your baby is a difficult decision. Placing your baby for adoption means grieving and heartache and is probably the most difficult decision a birth mother will ever make.

Myth 6. An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can. Love is not based on biology. Just as a husband and wife can love each other without being biologically related, so do adoptive couples love their children. The love of a parents comes from nurturing and caring for a child.

Myth 7. After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child. Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Myth 8. Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption. Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

sources: www.MSNBC.com, www.adoptivefamilies.com, www.itsaboutlove.org

Some New Family Photos!

2009-10-11T11:26:00.001-07:00

We were in desperate need of an updated family photo and now we have these lovely photos, taken by Levi's Uncle.

Our Home

2009-09-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Come on in and take a virtual tour of our home! We feel quite lucky in that we've chosen to share a home with Levi's parents. We each have our own space (bedrooms, bathrooms and living room) but we get to spend time as a family, which is something that is very important to both Levi and me. We feel very blessed in the choice we have made, and while we could branch out and live easily on our own, for us the benefits of living with family are greater.

This is our lovely little home.

Here's the view from the backyard. There is actually more backyard than I could fit into the picture. To the left there is the firepit where we cook foil dinners and s'mores through the summer. Not pictured but off to the right of the photo is our garden. We grow raspberries, peas, beets, turnips, kohlrabi, carrots and chives. It is so awesome to eat veggies fresh from the garden with every dinner.

This is the view standing from our patio, looking out into the backyard.

This is the living room on the main floor.

The music room on the main floor.

The dining room. For perspective-if you look out the windows on the right side of the photo you will be looking straight into the living room.

This is Levi's parents' room on the main floor.

Here is my little sewing corner in the basement.

This is our living room, in the basement.

Here is the guest bedroom that would become the baby's room.

This is Jonah's room.

And here is our room!

It just occurred to me that I forgot to get a picture of the kitchen! Oops! I will add one in very soon.

Dear Birth Parents

2009-09-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Birth Parents,

We thank you for taking the time to look at our blog and express our love and gratitude for considering adoption. We know that you are facing big changes and tough decisions right now and we pray you find the strength and peace you need.

When we married eight years ago, we dreamed of the family we would someday create. After five years of struggling with infertility, we were blessed with the arrival of our wonderful son. It is from the joy we found in parenting our son and our great love and desire to expand our family that has brought us to adoption.

Thoughts from Levi

I am amazed that I somehow did something right enough to win and hang on to Amanda. Amanda has a strength for all of my weaknesses. She keeps me running and organized even though I am usually scattered. Amanda remembers everything about everybody. She remembers peoples' birthdays, what their favorite TV shows are, and which season of that show they don't already have so that she can buy it for their birthday. She is naturally good at remembering things, but more than anything its because she cares so much about the people she remembers. She loves more deeply than some people ever can, and we as a family have benefited greatly because of her. She is a devoted wife and mother and she truly has a talent for knowing the right thing to do.

She throws everything she has into what she's passionate about, whether it was a temple marriage, her education, her talents for meals, crafts, or gifts, or her family. We both badly want to expand our family, but she has particularly thrown herself into the work of trying to have another child in our family. I am happy to be with her and want to share what we have with another child!

Thoughts from Amanda

I met Levi for the first time when I was 16 years old. I thought he was incredibly cute (I think the word "dreamy" was thrown around). Eleven years later, I still think he is awfully cute and “dreamy”. He is an incredible father and husband. He works hard to take care of his family and he has more patience than anyone else I know. Some of the things I appreciate most about him are his patience with our son (and me), his ability to stay calm, his desire and efforts to maintain happiness in the home, and his skills as a peace-keeper.

Levi is a wonderful father to our son, Jonah. We are lucky that Levi works from home so he spends an enormous amount of time with our son on a daily basis. He can often be found out in the backyard rolling and tumbling around with Jonah. He is definitely a hands-on dad; he changes the diapers, give baths, reads books, and loves to build Lego cars with Jonah (although, I’m not really sure which one enjoys the Lego cars more).

For as long as I can remember I have had a great desire to be a mother; to care for, to comfort, and love children. The experience of infertility has been a humbling one but I am beginning to see the light in all of it because it brought our journey here, to adoption.

The Two of Us

Our lives changed in the spring of 2007 when our son, Jonah, joined our family. He is a smart, silly, rambunctious, talkative, go-go-going 2 ½ year old. He loves cars, trucks and anything that zooms. He is kind and sweet-natured and loves to be around other children. We are sure that he will do wonderfully in the role of Big Brother and take great care of his little brother or sister.

We have the great pleasure of sharing a home with Levi’s parents (by choice); this has afforded us many great experiences and opportunities of togetherness. We sit around the table as a family to play games and talk, and our son can kiss his grandparents goodnight every single night. Family is a priority in our lives and is something we value greatly. We are both so lucky to have a large extended family that, despite their size, we are quite close to. We spend holidays together, have fun weekends together, family reunions and birthdays; and one of our favorite times is just hanging out over at Grandma’s house on Sunday evenings playing games and eating way too many cookies.

When we’re not working, we like to have some fun, too. We’ve discovered a love of travel in recent years. Levi was able to change careers to one that has given him a lot of flexibility with his time and location, and it has enabled us to take time to really explore the world. We’ve loved traveling in and photographing the West, but our biggest and most memorable adventure was our trip back East; ten days caravanning through Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire and Canada along with Levi’s parents and siblings.

Our home is a Christ-centered home; a place for love, faith and prayers. We teach Jonah to be kind to others, respect others, and accept others. We love going to the Temple.

We are thankful for the opportunity to be a part of the miracle that is adoption. We want you to know that as a Birth Parent, your sacrifice and love will touch and change us forever.

With Much Love,

Levi & Amanda

Home Visit is complete!

2009-09-23T08:48:00.000-07:00

We had our home visit yesterday afternoon and I think it went well. They seemed impressed with our cute little home. No dungeons were found and our son's toy box wasn't filled with glass shards or sharp metal objects, so I think it went pretty well. We hit all the safety points (smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, medications, etc.) so there isn't anything we need to modify. When they left we felt very positive about the visit and hope that will be reflected in the report they write up. So onward and upward from here...we have our final set of interviews on Friday. Once those are complete, it is up to our caseworker at LDS Family Services to go over all the info we have given (plus the 2 pints of blood and the deed to our First Born...or so it feels) and make the determination that we are and will be good parents (our first born is still alive so that must count for something, right?).

Good thoughts and prayers are always welcome. We are in the home stretch of the approval process and the part where we anxiously await a decision is coming up very soon.

Levi's Family

2009-09-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

Meet Levi's family! Levi is the oldest of 5 children and has 3 brothers (Isaac, Connor & Ashton) and one sister (Silke). Everyone in Levi's family is disgustingly talented when it comes to music- you name it, it seems like they can play it. Piano, guitar, bass (both electric and traditional), cello, violin, clarinet, flute, dulcimer, drums...and they can all sing, too!

Here's a little rundown on the family:

Issac: 26, 2nd oldest (and 2nd from left in the back row, in this picture) He lives in New York City and is a performer-he sings, acts, and dances.

Connor: 24, 3rd oldest (center of the photo with the big circle on his shirt). He's a singer/songwriter who loves to play the guitar.

Ashton: 21, Youngest son, #4 child (bottom right). He loves to play guitar and is working on getting into a school where they teach you how to create and build your own guitars.

Silke (pronounced Silk-uh): youngest! (bottom left of photo) She's the only girl. She just turned 18 and is enjoying her very first semester of college!

As a group--they are all crazy, noisy, rowdy...and loving. They look out for one another, they have each other's back; and despite living apart from one another, they are together often, always talk, and stick together.

Here are Levi's parents-Barry and Bree. Aren't they cute? Barry is a big ol' Boyscout! He loves to hike, climb, camp, and garden. He loves to sing silly old songs (or just make up his own) and has a great love of Andy Griffith. He's also extremely generous and kind and faithful. Bree is a bit more serious (probably to balance out the child in Barry) but is still a lot of fun. She's a writer and musician of many talents. She's extremely kind and patient (especially when it comes to her kids). I personally find them to be great examples of what I need to be.

Jonah adores his Grandpa Barry and loves to "hang out" with him, whether its working out in the yard or watching "boring" tv together; so long as he is with Grandpa, Jonah is a happy boy.

Jonah and his Uncle Isaac.

Jonah with Levi and his Uncle Ashton.

Adoption Diaries

2009-09-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

Check out the brand new series "Adoption Diaries" on WE tv every Saturday night at 10pm. The first episode premiered tonight and it was a look at an open adoption between a 26 year-old birthmother and a couple from a different state.

If you want to read more about adoption, read personal stories from bithmothers, or learn the options of adoption, click here.

Amanda's Family

2009-09-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Get to know my family a little bit! I grew up in a small town in Northern California with my mom, dad, and 2 siblings (I'm the middle child). We've all stayed pretty close over the years. Almost all of my extended family lives within about 20 miles of where I grew up and we see each other often. My brother and sister live in the same neighborhood and my parents live one city over from them. While we don't live in the same state anymore, I've spent most of my married life 5 minutes from my parents. Family Dinners at my parent's house were a weekly tradition. Now, we travel at least once every two months to see my family; to make sure our son has a good relationship with his Grandma, Papa, Aunts, Uncles and cousins.

This is Amanda's mom, Lynn and dad, George. My mom is an excellent baker. She can whip up the yummiest breads and cookies. We always look forward to the Fall and the holidays because she bakes up dozens of different kinds of treats that we get to spend 3 months pigging out on. My dad is infamous for his Hawaiian shirts; he only wears Hawaiian shirts. He has 50 different ones and he wears one every single day (his closest sort of looks like Fred Flintstone's). I can't think of my dad and not think of Hawaiian shirts. My son even calls them "Papa shirts" and when he wants to wear one of his own Hawaiian shirts, he asks for a Papa shirt.

My Dad is also a Disney nut. He loves all things Disney, especially all the trivia and little known facts. He pours over podcasts, websites, and books about Disney. He loves it and is just a big kid when it comes to Disney. He goes to Disneyland at least once a year and when each grandchild turns 5, he and my mom take them for their first trip to Disneyland. My dad also raised a bunch of Disney nuts; I definitely hold a special place in my heart for all things Disney.

This is my little brother, Kyle, and his soon-to-be wife, Ashley. They both love video games and riding around on their ATVs. Kyle owns his own business as a motor escort (the people on motorcycles who escort for funerals) and Ashley works in a bank. My brother is also really smart when it comes to computers; he's been building and repairing them since high school.

This is my older sister Tanya (it's pronounce TANyuh, not TAWNyuh). She is named after the country singer Tanya Tucker. She's sort of a Jill-of-all-trades; she bar-tends, she's worked in restaurants for a decade now, she does event planning, and she loves to cook Italian food. She and her husband have 3 little kids-twin girls who are 5 years old and a little boy who is almost 4 years old.

Here are all the cousins; my sister's three children and my son, Jonah. (L-R) Mr. J, Miss T, Jonah, and Miss A. They are all very close. When we lived nearby, our son saw his cousins almost every single day. All the older children dote on Jonah; the hold his hand and walk around the house, they love to share their toys with him, and they smother him with hugs and kisses.

I have a large extended family. My dad is one of four children and my mom is one of eight children. I have 32 cousins and 15 aunts and uncles. Despite our large numbers, we are still a close family. We see each other often throughout the year and keep in touch constantly. My grandparents instilled in us a deep appreciation for family. Family is forever, and we look out for, take care of, and love each other always.

This a photograph from my wedding; my Grandpa and grandma, who we called Mimi.

Birth Mothers Stories

2009-09-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

Adrienne
"My advice to anyone in this situation is to not feel bad for looking at all of your options, because there is more than one option out there. And it’s not your grandmother’s or your mother’s or your best friend’s opinion that really matters. This is about a baby, not you. "

Michelle
"I chose adoption because I loved my daughter very much and I wanted her to have everything that I couldn’t provide for her. I was twenty-one when she was born. I had full family support. I could have raised her. But my daughter would not have had a father, and that was very important for me. She wouldn’t have had a two-parent home right from the beginning, and that was very important to me. I wanted her to have those things. "

Tamra
"I remember the first time I said out loud that I had decided to place for adoption. This peaceful feeling came over my body, from my head down to my toes. It was that peace I had been looking for. I finally knew what was right for my son. And it was undeniable. It was such a contrast to what I had felt before, that anxiety, that fear, and that heartache. I knew that it would work out somehow. "

Colleen
"The whole nine months were very difficult. But with a supportive family, LDS Family Services, and God on my side, I was able to participate in a miracle. It was a miracle bringing a human being into the world. It was a miracle bringing this child into the lives of two parents who love her and want the best for her and were waiting anxiously for her. And it was a miracle that I got to know God on a personal level, to know that He does care about what I’m doing."

Loni
"...This led me to the question, how could I possibly raise her without a dad? I never wanted to hear the words “Is this my daddy?” come out of her mouth. I also didn’t want to worry about whether the guys I dated would care about both of us. I wanted her to have a dad who would be there for her every day of her life. I wanted her to have a dad who would compliment her and show her how much he loved and cared about her, so that she would know of her great worth. I wanted her to grow up with parents who loved each other so that she could know how to love and how she should be loved in return. I wanted her to have stability and to not have to travel from parent to parent. Most important, I wanted her to be happy. There was so much I wanted to give her and so much I thought she deserved—and it seemed impossible to give it to her all on my own. "

About Levi

2009-08-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

Levi is 28 years old. He is a musician at heart and plays the piano, bass, drums, and guitar. He currently holds the position of Ward Chorister in church (he conducts the music during Sacrament Meeting). Levi was born in Las Vegas but grew up in several different states-Florida, Washington, Utah, Wisconsin, Nevada, and California. He is the oldest of 5 children; 4 boys and 1 girl. When he was growing up he was the "responsible one" and he spent a lot of time keeping his younger siblings in line.

Levi works for a national wealth management company and is also an independent Financial Planner. When he is not working he is usually learning about finance or technology and wishes he was a better web programmer than he is. He is an avid runner and biker and loves to spend time outdoors hiking and climbing. In the winter he also loves snowboarding. He loves to travel, especially road trips. Finally, in his spare time, Levi is the editor and administrator of a journalistic website that combines his love of music and independent culture.

Levi is 6’ tall with blue eyes and (curly) brown hair.

Favorites:

TV shows: The Office, 30 Rock, The Simpsons, Flight of the Conchords

Music: The Decemberists, Wilco, Radiohead, Johann Sebastian Bach, Coheed & Cambria, Belle & Sebastian

Movies: Stranger Than Fiction, Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Guns of Navarone

About Amanda

2009-08-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

Amanda is 28 years old. She is an aspiring photographer and do-it-yourself crafter, baker, and sewer. She loves reading, music, movies, writing, art, and animals. She’s played the Viola since the 5th Grade. She grew up in a smaller town in Northern California, right outside the Capitol (Sacramento). She is the middle child and has an older sister and a younger brother. Amanda has 2 nieces (twins) and 1 nephew, all her sister’s children. She loves the beach and the ocean but did not live near it growing up. Despite growing up an hour from Lake Tahoe, she has never skied nor snowboarded, and has a fear of flying downhill on skinny wood sticks. Amanda loves the Spanish language and though not yet fluent, wants her children to be fluent as well. She one day dreams of being both a Midwife and a Lactation Consultant, but is happy to stay at home while her son is young.

Amanda loves, loves, loves movies of all kinds and has been a movie buff since a young age. Her first job was at Hollywood Video; all the free movie rentals helped solidify her love and knowledge of movies. She can even be heard on occasion uttering the phrase, “I heart Netflix”.

She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Child Development, as well as two Associate’s Degrees in General Education and Social Science.

Amanda is 5’8” tall with green eyes and short, light-brown hair. Amanda has Irish, German and Portuguese Heritage (but as far as the Sun is concerned, she’s all Irish).

Favorites:

TV shows: Gilmore Girls, Eureka, Ugly Betty, The Office, 30 Rock, Magnum PI, The Simpsons, Wonderfalls, The Amazing Race, Survivor, Arrested Development, and Monk.

Movies (more than can be typed in one post, so this is simply an abbreviated list): Anne of Green Gables, Sense & Sensibility (1995), Butterflies Are Free, Cool Hand Luke, Elf, White Christmas, The Motorcycle Diaries, Yours, Mine & Ours (1969), Barefoot in the Park, Almost Famous, The Goodbye Girl, Saved.

Music: music is more for the love of song than the person or band. Amanda’s tastes include (but are not limited to) Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Elvis Costello, Paul Simon, Van Morrison, James Taylor, Carole King, Dashboard Confessionals, Vampire Weekend, ABBA (yes, I will publically admit it), Simon & Garfunkel, The Clash, and many, many more.

Note to Self

2009-08-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

Note to self: don’t answer online application questions at 11 o’clock at night when you have the tired jollies; you’re just going to have to re-do them in the morning.

We’ve been furiously filling out the online portion of the adoption application since Friday. It is essay question after essay question, asked in such a way that you doubt whether you actually know the right answer (when technically there is no right answer). It feels like I’m back in high school again taking a huge exam I forgot to study for; only this time, much more than a grade is at stake.

Will they like us? Will we connect with someone? What if no one likes our answers? What if no one likes us?

This is definitely the intense portion of the application (…says the incredibly naive first-timer….). On some of the questions I don’t even know where to begin. How do I express my life’s hopes, goals, dreams and ambitions in a tiny little white box? How on earth do I convey my love for children and my desire to expand my family? How do I explain that we’re good people full of love and just waiting to welcome another child into our home? We’re putting ourselves out there, pouring our heart and souls into these answers.

If this is how the questions feel, I wonder what it will feel like to be interviewed and have our home study. I guess we’ll find out soon enough!

16 and Pregnant

2009-08-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

The season finale of the Mtv series "16 and Pregnant" offered a look at a teenage couple and their decision to arrange an adoption for their baby. It is an amazing, moving and emotional episode. I am extremely impressed by the maturity that both Catelynn and Tyler possess; they are wise and strong well beyond their 16 years. You can watch the episode here! Fair warning: have some tissues handy because you will cry!

Our Love Story

2009-08-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

Levi and I met on June 12, 1998. Yes, I actually remember the date. Amanda was 16 years old and working at Hollywood Video. Levi was 17 year old, and had just moved from Seattle, Washington to California. Levi was hired at Hollywood Video and they met on Levi’s first day of work (Amanda got to train him). Amanda thought he was awfully cute (I think the word "dreamy" was thrown around) and they spent most of the summer together, every chance they got.

It took about 9 months from the time we met until our first kiss. We met at the beginning of summer, became fast friends and spent time together as often as we could. However, despite our growing feelings, we waited a long time (it felt like forever) to make it official. Our first official date as more-than-friends came on Levi’s 18th birthday, and our first kiss came the next morning at work, right before we walked into our store meeting (at Hollywood Video). Oooh, the romance!

We dated about 2 ½ years before we got engaged. We got engaged on Amanda's birthday, September 15, 2000. Levi came over for my birthday and spent the day with me. Then, that evening as we were saying goodbye, he finally produced a gift for me. I unwrapped it and there was a little velvet box with a ring.

We were married on July 7, 2001 in American Fork, Utah in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Because Amanda was from California, very little of her family was able to attend the ceremony. We had a small little luncheon with family and friends that day and had a reception in California a few weeks later.

We sort of had two honeymoons. A few days after we were married we spent a week in Pocatello, Idaho and Island Park, Idaho attending family reunions. It was more of a crash-course in meeting the family for Amanda. Three weeks later we flew to Disneyland, where we honeymooned for three days before we had our reception.

Immediately after we were married we lived in Provo, Utah. We lived there for almost a year before Amanda got so homesick that we moved back to Northern California. We lived there for 6 years and now we live in beautiful Star Valley, Wyoming.

So it Begins!

2009-08-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

As of Friday, August 14th, we have officially started the process for adoption by turning in our initial fee and application to LDS Family Services. Handing the envelope over to the clerk at the Post Office was probably one of the most nerve wracking things I've done in quite some time. We are nervous, excited, anxious, excited, oh and have I mentioned excited? Once I gained the nerve to actually turn over the envelope to the clerk, peace spread through me. This is the most peaceful I've felt in many years, placing our trust in what is meant to be. I do believe that no matter what happens from here on out, we will be blessed for putting our faith in Heavenly Father and following our hearts and prayers by pursuing adoption.